Another Cynical VFTD Game

Earlier this month--it's still May--VFTD posted a different 'Another Cynical VFTD Game' which practically begged you lazy slackers to send in positive stories of your paintball experiences. Knowing full well, of course, that you wouldn't bother. (I wonder how many of you advocating bringing a friend or friends to play paintball as an easy and positive way to contribute personally to saving paintball ever bothered to do that either. Yeah, that's what I thought.) Two, count 'em, two of you (no, not you) sorta made an effort to send in a positive paintball story. And only one was legit if largely inscrutable despite the fact it was nominally written in English. The other was a thinly veiled raehl attempt to cheer lead the NCPA. (I only mention it here because despite raehl's involvement I'm a big fan of the NCPA and a strong believer in its potential to proliferate competitive paintball.) (Okay, fine. He's really done a pretty good job. Happy?) Anyway, as far as taking an opportunity to put out positive paintball stories y'all suck.

The game this time is to send VFTD stories of paintball gone wrong--preferably with you as the victim. It can be a cautionary tale, a comic anecdote or a rage-filled remembrance of how paintball once screwed you over. It's the darkside's turn to be drawn out into the light of day and displayed for all to see. So pretty much the exact opposite of positive paintball stories. As before you can post them up in comments or send them to Baca's email (link on the sidebar.)
You and I both know how this is gonna turn out. VFTD is gonna receives lots more negative stories because you (yes, you) can't help yourself. Last time it didn't matter that I mocked y'all in advance for not doing what I knew you wouldn't do--even that didn't motivate anyone--and this time around you won't be able to resist sending something in even though you know it makes all y'all (yes, you) look bad.

The way I look at it if you're determined to be lazy slackers and faithless bastards I at least should be entertained in the process--and I thank you.

Another Cynical VFTD Game

This one though is unlike any other ever attempted here at VFTD. This time y'all are on the hot seat(s). Thing is I'm bored and there isn't all that much going on. The 'How Big is Paintball?' group page on Facebook has turned into everybody's cheap date--and you know I mean party slut--for their own paintball promotions, which, if you think about it tells you everything you need to know about the non-playing parts of paintball. Then there's the announcement that something called The Paintball University is expanding on last year's rousing 'Woman of the Year' success by adding a 'Man of the Year' award with both to be announced at Living Legends in a few short weeks. (If you're looking for links to any of these, keep looking, 'cus I ain't providing any.) Not only do they get to award some member(s) of their happy little inbred family with meaningless self-congratulatory plaques they also get the benefit of simultaneously promoting the university and its services minus the usual mercenary overtones. Of course if their website is any indication they's still living in the 80s. I know, I shouldn't be so cynical and it's really largely harmless--so that's all I'ma say about that. (VFTD cares. I look forward to your angry comments and semi-literate emails.)

Today's Another Cynical VFTD Game asks you (yes, you) to send VFTD a positive paintball story--preferably a true one. And if there are any good ones or any really bad ones they will receive feature billing and be posted under the 'Positively Paintball' heading as counters to my routine cynicism. If you are wondering why this is another cynical VFTD game here's the beauty of this game. You (yes, you) aren't going to do it. You can't be bothered. Somebody else will send one in. And in choosing not to participate you (yes, you) will be proving my point and confirming my cynicism. Clever, yes? So, get to writing. (haha) I'm really looking forward to all those positive paintball stories y'all will be sending in. Not.

Not Exactly The Monday Poll

Call it making up for pulling the day's scheduled post. Call it morbid curiosity. But heads are beginning to roll. Another batch of pro-ranked players are soon to fall by the wayside. (And one reason VFTD wants to do Pro*files but you lazy slackers need to help me out.) Pro-ranked but without a pro team to play for.

You might even consider this the new year's first Another Cynical VFTD Game although this one cuts a little too close to home for me to be entirely flippant. I don't like to see players lose their opportunities or the list of active pro players shrink while the ranks of the ronin continue to grow. But like it or not, it's happening. It's also another step towards making the final team cuts of the pre-season. About now more than a few teams are also coming to grips with the reality that if they don't sponsorship deals in hand odds are the music has stopped and that didn't get the last chair.

So here's the game: Part One--name that cut (who's out and who's in?)
Part Two--Who is gonna be PSP pro at Phoenix? Who is gonna be PSP semi-pro at Phoenix?
How many make it to World Cup?

Bonus credit--how many teams register for HB? (And will the event happen?)

Another Cynical VFTD Game

Today's game is company, company, whose got the company? If you missed it in the comments from a few days ago it seems there is a rumor making the rounds that Richmond Italia has bought into Smart Parts. I found this interesting and did a little digging around but being a lazy slacker--much like yourself--I didn't find any confirmation and moved on to other things. But while I was at it I also started looking for GI Milsim and while I didn't find it, one of VFTD's most enterprising correspondents did. (Though I found something else later that makes me question the validity of the Italia buys into SP rumor.)

What is GI Milsim? And who holds the rights to it? And for extra credit try and find DLX Technology.

I'll give you a hint or two to get started. SP and SP Europe are both registered companies with the State of Pennsylvania. The others aren't.

(Because you and I know you're a lazy slacker I will tell you the answers at some point so you needn't play along unless you really, really want to know.)

Another Cynical VFTD Game

But this is not just another cynical VFTD game. It is also the first weekly installment of Major League Paintball Held Hostage Days 42-49. Registration for USPL's Huntington Beach Surf City Open opened Monday evening.
The game has two parts; pick the total number of teams to register and the total number of teams to pay. The earliest correct answer(s) will be the winner. The game will remain open until March 18th. Since there is no chance of a tie VFTD the following tie-breaker is just for fun.

Tie-breaker: Is the reduction from 140 teams to 130 teams the result of new scheduling considerations or concern over the perception of "filling" the event? Show your work.

The winner will receive a Cynical VFTD Game Winner T-shirt. Who knows, it may even have a wolf on it.

Guess early, guess often. Just keep in mind that the vitality of the teams base is only part of the equation.

Yet Another Cynical VFTD Game

Since PBReserve has unearthed some more info it's time to play the next game. (Thanks, kids.) And for those who might be wondering--no, I didn't rat out the PSP so I could play a new game. I'm pretty sure it was Scooter Libby.
There is a tentative Pro team list for 2009. There is a hierarchical list of other pro teams and their numeric position for filling a pro spot. (It is completely irrelevant if the listing is accurate or not to the aim o' the game.)
Drum roll please.
Here's your challenge. First: name the 12 teams that will be on the field in (let's take a wild stab in the dark) Phoenix competing in the season's opening event. Second: name the 12 teams that make up the semi-pro division at the first event. Object of the game is to get as many of the 24 teams right as possible--so a 24 out of 24 would be the best score possible.
The tie-breaker is--cruel and unusual. How many teams will claim a spot in either division (pro & semi-pro) but NOT compete in the first event.
And the No Life But Paintball award will go to the no-lifer who is able to name which teams will claim a spot but not compete. Incorrect answers will be subtracted from correct answers in order to determine the Loser, er, winner so don't bother listing everybody you can think of.

Okay, since I hear playing the games aren't any fun without (real) prizes let's see what happens. I have a pair of red/black I3's with tinted lenses. If the game gets 100 entries I'll send them to the winner. If the game gets 200 entries the winner will receive an '08 Damage pro jersey. Put your thinking caps on and get to guessing. Game will remain open until 2 weeks prior to the event.

One More Cynical VFTD Game

In order to encourage more participation this cynical VFTD game will be multiple choice and the results will be graded on a curve. There will be no wrong answers, only those that are less right. So if your self-esteem is a quivering mass of jelly have no fear, VFTD is here to help you. In addition to providing no "wrong" answers from which to choose there will be a completely random and totally unreliable guide offering scientific insight into your character based on a strictly limited data sampling of, er, one.
At the end of the voting period VFTD will tally the votes and whichever answer receives the most votes will be declared the winner -- and the correct answer. Facts are for losers.

QUESTION: What happens to the NPPL name and brand?

Answer A: Jerry Braun & Steve Davidson decide to go halfsies to see if the dream can be revived.

Answer B: Chuck Hendsch scoops it up for old times sake and puts out a press release announcing a league for the players, by the players.

Answer C: a group of disaffected woodsball teams join forces in order to break away from the hegemony of greedy promoters and start their own league.

Answer D: under cover of darkness a covert team of spec ops mercenaries grabs everything with a NPPL logo and disappears into the night. The following day Smart Parts announces it now holds the rights to the NPPL.

Answer E: a guy named Spackle from Akron Ohio accidentally bids on the NPPL mistaking it for new-fangled milking equipment for dairies.

Answer F: a mysterious auto dealer from Canukistan outbids everyone and immediately announces a pro 7-man circuit to be held at the grand openings of his newest dealerships.

Answer G: the PSP buys it and renames the NXL and every written record of the term "xball" is excised permanently (as is the jumbo X.)
___________________________________

Check here to see what your answer tells the world about you. If you chose:
A) You have sadomasochistic tendencies and an unhealthy fixation on rubber and riding crops.

B) You have trouble holding a job and the one person you would most like to meet is The King, from the Burger King commercials.

C) Congratulations, you are Joe Normal. You drive a rusted out Camaro, have a mullet and keep a wad of Griz between cheek and gum. Wednesday is your favorite day because it's bowling night.

D) You are a conspiracy wacko. Welcome to the club! I'll show you the secret handshake later.

E) You enjoy an alternate identity as a cross-dresser named Olga and your favorite TV show is 'The Dog Whisperer.'

F) You are an idealist doomed to disappointment as you struggle to come to grips with reality.

G) You are a drone of conformity regurgitating the conventional wisdom.

Another Cynical VFTD Game

If one game is good two gotta be twice as much fun, right?
This one's harder but I got faith in y'all. Here's the deal: predict the Vegas results for standardizing competitive paintball.
Pick the format.
Pick ROF (rate of fire).
Pick the number of divisions of play and how many will be locked or closed, if any.
Will there be sponsor restrictions on gear or gun use on the field of play? (Yes / N0)
Tie-breaker: predict any significant rule changes. Alternate tie-breaker: will player classification also be standardized (forcing Eurokids to compete over here in same division they compete in over there.)

Play early, play often.

A New Cynical VFTD Game

Time for some fun, kids. Pick the league(s) for next season and how many events will be scheduled. Must choose between PSP, MS & NPPL only. For example; NPPL & PSP, 10 events.

Extra credit tie-breaker: pick the fate of a lower tier league. For example, NEPL folds. (I am NOT predicting the NEPL will fold.)

Winner will receive the satisfaction that he/she was smarter than everybody else. VFTD is the final arbiter of all results and all results will be final.

UPDATE: I am sorely disappointed that Pacific Paintball chose to ruin our game with their untimely announcement, bankruptcy not withstanding. Unfortunately the news leaves us with no winners.

Last Mag Standing

Is it APG's world and we're just living in it? How far removed are we from the next feature article on dealing with snake bite and a pictorial of scenario "tanks"?
Time for a new game that none of you slackers will play. In fact, it's two games in one.
First game is predicting next deadtree mag to do the el foldo (or move exclusively into cyberspace) and give a month and year. (And, no, I don't have a morbid fascination with the demise of others. I'm just playing shuffleboard on the deck of the Titanic whistling a happy tune. C'mon, join me, it's fun!)
Second game is predicting which paintball website will be the first to suffer the Deathstar's fate and cease to be a force. [*] (PBStar doesn't count, btw.) Same rules apply. Only commercial websites are eligible.
What do the two games have in common?
Advertising revenue. Or more precisely, the lack thereof in the case of the "winners."
Winners will receive the coveted VFTD e-prize and a gold embossed certificate recognizing your status as yet another paintball no-lifer.

[*] Yes, another terrible joke. Get used to it. Expect it. Enjoy.

UPDATE: Thanks to the link and promo from the kids at PBReserve I'll keep this post at the top of the stack for a few days. Play the game, losers.