(Another) Lazy Slacker Re-post of the Week

Man, I wish I'd thought of this repost gimmick a long time ago. What a racket. Thing is there's not really much happening. Nothing making me angry. Nothing exciting me with new possibilities. So instead of cranking out some lame crap I'm recycling some not-so-lame older original material. (Another WELT piece.) Besides, there's new readers everyday--there are so--and just because they're new doesn't mean they should be deprived of past VFTD wisdom. And for all you whiners out there insisting on fresh VFTD material I am finishing up on Bacaball--the ultimate in tournament play--which should be ready for posting in the next couple of days. I steal the best ideas from the world of paintball and kick in a couple unique elements.

Lastly, a brief disclaimer: No, I'm not contributing to the anti-social, punk ass behavior of pint-sized tournament wannabes. It's their current default setting. And the only thing worse than them thinking they've earned the right to anything is you people whining about it. So shut up and read.

I'm not a Hater

I'm not a hater. Really I'm not. Just misunderstood. Oh sure, if you're at the other end of the field all I want you to do is die. I know it sounds bad but it's not like it's permanent or anything. But if you get blown up, lit up and pissed off I'm okay with that. Something for the next guy in your place to think about. But it's nothing personal. Honest.
Seriously, I'm really not a hater. Off the field I'm a swell guy. Ask anybody. Well, almost anybody. Just because I don't smile, offer to shake your hand or wish you good luck before we play doesn't make me a hater. It just means I'm not a hypocrite. I don't want you to have good luck even if you're gonna need all the luck in the world. On the field we're not enemies but we aren't friends either. On the field you're the guy who wants to take something away from me and I'm the guy who is gonna do his best to see you fail. But that doesn't make me a hater.
After the game I may apologize for those shots to the neck but I'm not really sorry. (That's not completely true. I am sincerely sorry if you're a friend of mine but I ain't sorry I did it.) Doesn't mean I'm a hater. You got bunkered. Live with it. If you're gonna be mad be mad at your guy who didn't back you up. Truth is I'm coming over the top as up close and personal as possible and that patch of bare skin is just begging for it. It's screaming shoot me and there's no way this guy tries to spin–so that's what I do. And you know what? It usually works.
It ain't my fault if the referee doesn't make the call you wanted or even the one you (and half the peeps watching) are positive was the right call. Did I get that second kill after I was hit? Could be. But it is what it is. Doesn't make me a hater. If it happens fast enough who can say exactly who shot who first? And if you haven't figured out yet that the refs favor the aggressor consider this a necessary lesson learned. While you're at it ...
Quit your whining. You did not get overshot, you didn't stop coming. What do you expect if you try to run my boy down and don't stop when I shoot you? When you stop running I stop shooting. See how that works? I'm not a hater, it's your own fault you look like an avalanche of paint fell on you. If you didn't know the score before you do now. You were determined to make that move count and I was determined to make you pay the price. That ain't hate, that's paintball the way the big boys play it. And the extra five or six to the back? You earned those too.
What's a few bonus balls among competitors? If that puts you off your game then it did what it was supposed to. It ain't me being a hater. It's intimidation–and maybe even a little bit of respect. Not that I'll ever admit it.
Look, I know this brand of paintball isn't for everybody. But when the stakes are high, when the competition is tight, when the difference between winning and losing is razor thin this is the way the game is played. It ain't about hate, it's about winning.

Moonbats, Drillbits & Semiauto

I'm not normally one to let the (gross) stupidity of others agitate me. It can even be entertaining but there is one subject that drives me to the brink of gleeful homicide--the blindly willful utter nonsense spouted by the "semi-auto" advocacy crowd. By the way, this includes a few friends of mine so y'all please feel free to delude yourselves that little bit more and believe I mean everybody but you. No. Really, I do. Thanks.
It started when I was skimming a long thread at the Nation--yes, I realize I brought it on myself--devoted to speculation about the (then) upcoming changes at the PSP. More than a few posters just had to toss in the opinion that what the PSP needed was preferably uncapped semi-auto (just like those other guys who went bankrupt!) "But it wasn't because of semi-auto." No, that was just one in a long list of boneheaded decisions.
Everybody is entitled to an opinion--even an idiotic one--but this particular brand of paintball superstition is like being a member of the Flat Earth Society and really believing the Earth is flat. Or participating in Renaissance festivals because you are convinced you really are Richard the Lionheart reincarnate.
Hey Tulip, you're nutty as a fruitcake!

If you've been living in a cave maybe I better explain. Like Knights of the Round Table (or in this case, Empty Head) there are some die hard fantasists forever chasing the semi-auto Holy Grail of one pull, one shot. True semi-auto (as if such a beast existed in the era of the micro-processor and electronic gun) is a swell dream but fails – no matter how often the faithful insist--to correspond with reality. The truth is the majority of diehards don't actually understand how their guns work even if they can use the right words to construct a seemingly coherent sentence. If they did they wouldn't be Knights of the Empty Head. For starters their trigger pull doesn't actually discharge their marker. The proprietary software in the micro-processor on their board 'reads' a signal from the switch--which can be any one of a number of different types of switches--and decides what to do about the received signal and the result can vary as widely as the parameters of the software allow. And, of course, within that process the micro-processor tells the gun when to shoot, not you. Then there are the assorted forms of actuation that are 'mistakes.' Stuff like bounce, both mechanical and switch. Every software package in the business has filters designed to minimize, to varying degrees, the 'mistakes.' But guess what. All you semi-auto is a skill clowns set your filters to the lowest possible 'legal' setting because, miraculously, your skill improves when the filters interfere as little as possible.
And it's even worse than you know because there are (and have been) manufacturers who swear on your mother's life that their software is pristine and innocent and would never intentionally add a shot or three or six. After, of course, offering the standard pious disclaimer about user error. Yet it does--and many of you like it that way because you've worked ever so hard to develop your "skill." Still, these disciples of the true semi-auto continue to insist that semi-auto is pure paintball and that ramping is an evil corruption despite the indisputable evidence that all electronic guns add shots and the only real quibble is over the definition of intentional and unintentional.
One thing we can agree on is that if such a thing as true semi-auto existed in the modern game it would be better than capped, ramping guns. But the place you gotta start to see that happen is with sufficient standardization across the manufacturers so that the gun you're shooting is essentially identical to the one Joe Bob is shooting. At that point you can reintroduce the idea of skill again. And trust me, most of you semi-auto worshipers aren't gonna like that one little bit.*

*First appeared in issue #9 of Welt

Major League Paintball Held Hostage, Day 37

T minus 5. And counting. As of 12:02 PM EST there were 95 teams paid and 157 teams registered including 8 pro teams. Phoenix '08 had 123 teams competing.

Yesterday the PSP announced that the Phoenix Open will be webcast live and that it will be free. Yes, free. In addition there will be more cameras in place providing greater coverage that will include the d.wire. Hopefully fans everywhere will take advantage of this opportunity to tune in. (And hopefully the PSP has made every effort to inform their potential audience. I can come up with a number of reasons for making it free but all of them depend, in one way or another, on the size of the viewership.)

Last week Mr. Curious wondered how it was that an apparently no longer in the paintball biz Craig Miller remained a big wig at the PSTA. No thanks to you slackers one of VFTD's ever vigilant correspondents noticed a largely overlooked press release that may go some way towards explaining. It seems Mr. Miller was/is a partner with Milt Call in Brimstone Enterprises, makers of Ultimate AirBall bunkers. It further seems that Miller & Call now hold the U.S. patent rights to airball bunkers and Adrenaline Games was "happy" to sign a licensing agreement with Brimstone the other day. And apparently Brimstone will be back in the bunker biz with a '09 relaunch sometime soon. You can check out the whole thing--an amusing read between the lines--in the News forum at the Nation.

WELT #9 has hit the cyber shelves. If you aren't signed up to get it delivered direct to your email inbox what the hell is the matter with you? Well, what are you waiting for?

Major League Paintball Held Hostage, Day 24

It's your lucky day 'cus I'm feeling benevolent. That and I'm totally burned out on this classification & ranking thing. No more harping. I've had my say. We'll see what happens. Hopefully it'll work out.
But--
I do have a couple of kinda, sorta related items for comment today. And there's nothing you can do about it. There's no restraining order against blogging. Yet.
What do you suppose the average age of a competitive paintballer is today? What was it ten years ago? Whatever you think the number is today's baller is considerably younger, isn't he? (Or for all eleven of you gals, she.) Keep that in mind for this next part.
What is the life cycle of a good tourney baller these days? If the player is good (or plays on a good team) and competes at the national level the player can expect to move up one division a year. And every division up means fewer teams and fewer slots for players to play--at least that's what it's always meant in the past. (And the current system ain't helping.) So the higher you go the greater the likelihood you play yourself out of the game. And this, by the way, is irrespective of the merits of the system used. (I know--been here, done this.) Keep that in mind for this next part.

Regarding the UCP's (Universal Classification Program) national championship concept is the PSP sowing the seeds of their own irrelevance? I think they are. Here's how: In trying to organize a regional system based on the Race format and using the UCP to promote a national championship formula they will end up competing against the lower divisions at the regional level and they will be at a distinct disadvantage. There are reasons that when I suggested a series of similar ideas here and here that I proposed a Pro Circuit. If your regional ranking is consistent with the national ranking and you can compete regionally and qualify for the national championship at the end of the year (World Cup) what advantage is it to compete in a national circuit that is more expensive across the board? So the PSP wants to set-up a regional but identical system to their own and don't see that they will be competing with the regions? Now throw in the factoid that if your team stays regional they stay out of the PSP's classification system (as it currently stands.) Win, win to play regionally. Of course even if the PSP closes the classification loopholes there's still no apparent reason for lower division teams to play the national circuit. Are the soccer fields of Phoenix, the grass and gravel of MAO and the rock hard ground of Bollingbrook so exotic that teams will pay thousands more to compete there instead of their regionals? Could happen.

Btw, expect the new issue of WELT soon. Don't have a date for you but I hear it's on the way. My latest is sure to outrage. All I ask is if you plan on coming over with torches and pitchforks you call ahead. It's common courtesy. And be sure to see who JB is having his cuppa with this month. Here's a hint--it's a baller. That and loads more coming soon at the extremely low price of absolutely free. So keep your eyes peeled. (Not really. That would hurt.) For the new issue of WELT.

Did'ja Miss WELT #8?

If you did here's just a fraction of what you missed. Click on the title link and go check out the rest. You'll hate yourself if you don't.

I'm not a Hater

I'm not a hater. Really I'm not. Just misunderstood. Oh sure, if you're at the other end of the field all I want you to do is die. I know it sounds bad but it's not like it's permanent or anything. But if you get blown up, lit up and pissed off I'm okay with that. Something for the next guy in your place to think about. But it's nothing personal. Honest.
Seriously, I'm really not a hater. Off the field I'm a swell guy. Ask anybody. Well, almost anybody. Just because I don't smile, offer to shake your hand or wish you good luck before we play doesn't make me a hater. It just means I'm not a hypocrite. I don't want you to have good luck even if you're gonna need all the luck in the world. On the field we're not enemies but we aren't friends either. On the field you're the guy who wants to take something away from me and I'm the guy who is gonna do his best to see you fail. But that doesn't make me a hater.
After the game I may apologize for those shots to the neck but I'm not really sorry. (That's not completely true. I am sincerely sorry if you're a friend of mine but I ain't sorry I did it.) Doesn't mean I'm a hater. You got bunkered. Live with it. If you're gonna be mad be mad at your guy who didn't back you up. Truth is I'm coming over the top as up close and personal as possible and that patch of bare skin is just begging for it. It's screaming shoot me and there's no way this guy tries to spin–so that's what I do. And you know what? It usually works.
It ain't my fault if the referee doesn't make the call you wanted or even the one you (and half the peeps watching) are positive was the right call. Did I get that second kill after I was hit? Could be. But it is what it is. Doesn't make me a hater. If it happens fast enough who can say exactly who shot who first? And if you haven't figured out yet that the refs favor the aggressor consider this a necessary lesson learned. While you're at it ...
Quit your whining. You did not get overshot, you didn't stop coming. What do you expect if you try to run my boy down and don't stop when I shoot you? When you stop running I stop shooting. See how that works? I'm not a hater, it's your own fault you look like an avalanche of paint fell on you. If you didn't know the score before you do now. You were determined to make that move count and I was determined to make you pay the price. That ain't hate, that's paintball the way the big boys play it. And the extra five or six to the back? You earned those too.
What's a few bonusballs among competitors? If that puts you off your game then it did what it was supposed to. It ain't me being a hater. It's intimidation–and maybe even a little bit of respect. Not that I'll ever admit it.
Look, I know this brand of paintball isn't for everybody. But when the stakes are high, when the competition is tight, when the difference between winning and losing is razor thin this is the way the game is played. It ain't about hate, it's about winning.

If you enjoyed that (or hated it) check out WELT #9 (coming soon) for 'Moonbats, Drillbits & Semi-auto' along with tons of other kewl stuff.

WELT #8

Hit the cyberstands today. If you haven't subscribed there is no time like right NOW to hit the title link and get it done. The price is right for the average baller too--it's FREE! So give yourself a gift this holiday season, one that will keep on giving throughout the year. And check out my modest contribution and let me know what you think. Am I a hater, or what?

WELT #7

'Bout damn time but it's finally here--well, there. Check it out. Hit the link in the title to visit weltworld. While you're there sign up to receive future issues direct. It's easy. (Even I can do it.) And even better, it's free. So there's really no excuse.
What are you waiting for?

WELT: Lucky Number Sleven

Starting with issue 7, which should be coming out pretty soon (but don't start counting the hours or anything), I'll have a piece in each issue. It'll be kind of a cross between the originals and the blog and be for Welt only. I'ma check with Der Weltmeister and see if he can give me a firm date. I'd like to help cross promote what with my, half dozen or so, regulars.