The Inside Out game is the default strategy of most defensively oriented teams. It can also be a very effective tactic for any team. Conceptually the Inside Out game is a low risk, lane control, rotation denial strategy that follows up the initial breakout with staged bumps to secondaries accompanied by moves from further inside--out. For example, (using the PSP NJ layout) the widest player OTB on the pitside takes the MT. Two players remain at Home. When the MT player makes his next rotation--to the pin, the corner or the MD feeding the snake--one of the Home players fills the spot in the MT. (And if the gameplan dictates or circumstances allow when that player moves the remaining Home player may also fill the MT.) In this way the movement risk is lowered and the key lanes maintained. There are of course also various options that can be played out from the Inside Out formation like delayed breaks to the corners, etc. but those alter the risk involved. So one aspect of the Inside Out game is about player positioning and sequential and matching rotations to work players into outside positions. The other standard characteristic of the Inside Out game is the basic shooting lanes, which are also typically inside out, as the goal is to deny the opponent wide positions OTB and an Inside Out breakout permits 5 guns up laning. (And, if one or more opponent is eliminated OTB the Inside Out configuration can easily transition into offense with attacks up the center that cut down angles & distances in order to keep remaining opponents contained. It is in the transitions, and the time it takes a team to react, that you can see whether a team is defensive or offensive in their orientation. (And in the pro game every team will opt for the offensive transition but one of the distinctions between pro teams is how quickly and universally a team will effect the transition.) The object of the Inside Out game is to limit risk, control wide rotations by the opponent, get eliminations OTB & take early control of the field with the intention of progressively building on that foundation to get wide and/or work upfield and consolidate the initial advantage with superior angles as the mid-game transitions into the end game.
Okay, but what can you to do counter a team playing Inside Out? Or, what are the risks of playing Inside Out?
There are 3 basic counters to the Inside Out game; get wide, mirror the breakout or press a strong center attack. Inside Out's effectiveness is typically a direct corallary to how effectively it keeps an opponent from getting wide. Once the opponent is wide Inside Out becomes a disadvantage as it cedes all the best angles to the wide players who in turn play to contain and fix the positions of the team playing Inside Out. (This still devolves into gunfights initially but wide guns also make it easier for the opposition to push the wires too.) If the Inside Out team gives up the wires too easily it's time to switch tactics. A mirrored breakout ought to be self-explanatory. (If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.) And the strong center attack hits the Inside Out team where they are weakest as the basic strategy is to stay inside and shoot wide. A center attack is relatively easy to execute--or at least move players into position--and then its effectiveness depends on the element of surprise and the boldness of the attackers. Of the counter options getting wide is best--if it can be accomplished.
Conversely the risks of playing Inside Out are ineffective lanes OTB, ie; letting your opponent get wide early, being unprepared for a center attack and weak gunfighting skills and/or edge control. No tactic or strategy can overcome poor individual play and inferior skills. Playing Inside Out is a good option to have available but no single strategy is always going to be a winner.
Next time; Kaos Theory: How & Why Pure Offense Works. (Yes, I know I spelled "kaos" wrong.)
Showing posts with label dead tree VFTD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dead tree VFTD. Show all posts
Monday, August 29, 2011
Monday, November 10, 2008
It's Alive!
The dead tree VFTD archive, that is. Finally. Check out the link Dead Tree Archive below the blog archive on the sidebar. Had a couple technical problems yesterday to iron out and there's still 2 bad links, Views 165 & 175, but those shouldn't take long to fix (once I figure out why they aren't working.) Otherwise it should all be good. If you have any problems checking the archive out please take the time to drop me a line and let me know.
Each entry that originally appeared in PGi is listed by month/year and number of the issue it appeared in. The link is my title for that column (so it may vary from the title PGi used.) Also included is a brief summary to give you an idea of the topic that month. The remaining entries either appeared in PB2x or went unpublished.
If you read something in the dead tree archive you want to comment on or argue about feel free to drop me a line anytime. Either I or one of the kids will be happy to respond. Oh, the kids? My new business. Taking my cue from PBIndustry I've got a start-up in Shanghai populated with hungry, motivated (One might almost say starving and desperate) youngsters with English language skills to match the best Indian subcontinent IT customer service worker. It's all pretty hush-hush for now ...
UPDATE: missing links should be fixed. (No, that's nothing to do with spaying or neutering your Yeti.)
Each entry that originally appeared in PGi is listed by month/year and number of the issue it appeared in. The link is my title for that column (so it may vary from the title PGi used.) Also included is a brief summary to give you an idea of the topic that month. The remaining entries either appeared in PB2x or went unpublished.
If you read something in the dead tree archive you want to comment on or argue about feel free to drop me a line anytime. Either I or one of the kids will be happy to respond. Oh, the kids? My new business. Taking my cue from PBIndustry I've got a start-up in Shanghai populated with hungry, motivated (One might almost say starving and desperate) youngsters with English language skills to match the best Indian subcontinent IT customer service worker. It's all pretty hush-hush for now ...
UPDATE: missing links should be fixed. (No, that's nothing to do with spaying or neutering your Yeti.)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Mainstreaming Paintball
This column from early '07 offers a different take on "growing" paintball. A somewhat less than serious take, I admit, but hey, it could work. And if you ignore the sarcasm it's kinda upbeat, too.
Paintball has made great strides in recent years as demonstrated by our TV successes. Today Paintball shares airtime on ESPN 2 with events like World’s Strongest Man, the National Spelling Bee, pro bowling from places like Akron, Ohio, championship dominos, the LPGA and the Outdoor Games which features lumberjacks, log rolling, axes and chainsaws. Look out arena football and major league lacrosse. Life is good. The sky’s the limit. But it could be better. And it follows from our success that the methods used have proven to be effective. Paintball has made great strides in the right direction with girls, girls, girls, homegrown paintballin’ celebs and tangential associations with popular music and performers. Now is the time to redouble our efforts in order to bump our sport’s profile even higher in the public consciousness. We can build on our current efforts but girls and paintball celebs will only take us so far. It’s time to learn from other more successful sports.
What is needed is a plan for expanding public perception and awareness. If you’re thinking more and better paintball action presented in a coherent and entertaining way you’re still thinking inside the box. It’s not about the Game, it’s about appearances. It’s about popularity and appealing to the non-ballin’ public. After all, we’ve already got the players hooked. It’s the mass of uninterested, non-players we’re after now.
Connecting with the public
What’s the first thing you see and who gets face time at major sporting events? No, not the athletes, dufus. It’s the A-list celebrities, doh. So clearly the first thing Paintball needs is to attract the jet set crowd. Celebrities deliver instant credibility and cache. Celebrities would make being seen hanging out at paintball events the cool thing to do. How do we grab them? Celebrities love goodie bags full of free gifts so if Paintball starts handing out the freebies while doing some obsequious fawning we should be golden. (We already do sponsorships so it isn’t that much of a stretch, right?) I say bribe the shallow and narcissistic starlet du jour if that’s what it takes. Forget your pride and dignity, it’s all about the Game and you do what needs doing if you really care. Or maybe not. As we all know that kind of money doesn’t exist in paintball which is why we need to get this mainstreaming business going pronto. If we can’t buy celebrity attention we must be prepared to take it to the next level to encourage celebrity participation.
Here’s a few ideas: hold their pets hostage to their tourney appearances, threaten to torch their agents’ offices, break into their Beverly Hills plastic surgeon’s office and steal their 'before' photos or hook their genitals up to car batteries until they beg to attend paintball events. If that’s too extreme for you pansies try hiring some dog whisperer to the stars who is willing to swear celebrity pooches prefer paintball to chasing frisbees. Or get some unscrupulous cat psychic who insists there’s an epidemic of feline depression that can only be filled by extreme paintball action. Maybe find some feng shui guru to design the grandstand field for ultimate harmony or get a radical psychologist to promote paintball instead of the mass medicating of their brats. And if we get really desperate we could hire a Dyan Cannon and Jack Nicholson look-a-like to sit courtside. Nobody ever sees them anymore anyway except at Laker games.
Role models
Our very own superstars also need to begin making the necessary sacrifices to reach a wider audience. After all, what do sports heroes do? Whatever it takes. Where are the illegitimate kids? Pro basketball has hundreds of ‘em. What about drug busts? Do a stretch in lockup for the good of the Game. The least you could do is confess to steroid use or maybe take a couple cycles of hgh. And where are the weepy public apologies and trips to the rehab clinics? Or the candid expose type photos in the weekender sections of the newspaper’s society section? How about a drunken fight or two at least? Even better, a drunken fight or two between teammates. After a few Nick Nolte-esque Smoking Gun style mug shots released to the media Paintball will be on top of the world. Paintball made these peeps who are they are today and while it may not be a popular stand to take, by golly, they owe the sport something in return. It’s called giving back.
Okay, we’ve got a plan for building a celebrity fan base but that’s only half the program.
Keeping it real
Mainstream sports thrive on rivalries. Yankees versus the Red Sox. Dallas Cowboys versus the Washington Redskins. The Lakers versus the Celtics. Michigan versus Ohio State and Notre Dame versus pretty much anybody ‘cus everybody hates Notre Dame, right? The point is these rivalries transcend the sports fan’s normal interest simply because they are told the teams involved have a long history of competition and a rabid hatred for each other. This a another area where our superstars are letting us down. Sure, they yap a bit and talk a lot of smack and bonusball each other during games but that’s just not good enough. What with the anonymity of goggles and the lack of a focal point most of the best confrontations don’t get the big audience. It’s time to get serious. What’s needed are public calling outs, bitter denunciations, mocking, trash-talking media interviews and the occasional pit clearing brawl. But no slapping. I realize this is gonna require some special training to give the fisticuffs some verisimilitude but if Paintball is serious we must take every available measure. Just think of it, fines for misconduct and routine public pronouncements from the commissioner’s office attempting to quell all manner of outrageous gossip and innuendo. Can the sports pages and talk radio be far behind?
Now we’re making progress!
Roll the dice
What do other successful sports have going for them that Paintball doesn’t? Here’s a hint: What’s the other hot, hot, hot fad "sport" right now? Poker on TV. Why is poker a TV success? I like to call it the three-legged stool of success; celebrities, gambling and freaks. We’ve got the celebrity angle covered already. And Paintball is blessed with more freaks than a carnival sideshow. (Of course there’s also a fair amount of crossover between celebrities and freaks so all those twofers are a bonus.) But gambling is where the successful mainstream sports have the big advantage over Paintball. Legal and illegal betting makes the sports world tick. When there’s money riding on the outcome–your money–sport takes on a whole new level of intensity and interest. When a match of also rans might normally elicit a yawn at best consider what the opportunity to cash in on a team’s mediocrity means. Unwarranted attention and emotion expended without regard to the match’s consequences in a purely sporting sense because peeps are winning or losing big on the result. This is the beauty of gambling on sports. It makes each match, each point, each penalty matter. It magnifies every contest all out of normal proportion and the big winner is ... Paintball! Imagine the action outside the NXL arena during an event. Betting windows open for action taking bets on individual match outcomes, working combos on the daily results, picking the division winners, the Sunday match-ups–the list is almost endless. Talk about your crowds. Paintball will need arenas just for the gamblers. We’ll also need oddsmakers, expert touts, record books for following the teams and players, websites for off track betting and more. A whole new sub-industry. Can garbage collection and linen services be far behind? You want more paintball on TV? Show them the money!
There you have it, kids. A blueprint for future success. Paintball has the leadership in place that can make this happen. Men of vision and determination who will leave no stone unturned in the quest to mainstream Paintball. Now is the time for the rest of us to stand and be counted, to step up to the challenge facing us and willingly take our places beside our leaders and with one voice affirm our commitment to helping Paintball achieve the level of recognition, admiration and support it deserves. Together we can lift Paintball into the Sports stratosphere and beyond, using the traditional recipe to sporting success; celebrity involvement, grossly offensive and anti-social public behavior by our athletes and gambling. What are we waiting for?
Mainstreaming Paintball
Paintball has made great strides in recent years as demonstrated by our TV successes. Today Paintball shares airtime on ESPN 2 with events like World’s Strongest Man, the National Spelling Bee, pro bowling from places like Akron, Ohio, championship dominos, the LPGA and the Outdoor Games which features lumberjacks, log rolling, axes and chainsaws. Look out arena football and major league lacrosse. Life is good. The sky’s the limit. But it could be better. And it follows from our success that the methods used have proven to be effective. Paintball has made great strides in the right direction with girls, girls, girls, homegrown paintballin’ celebs and tangential associations with popular music and performers. Now is the time to redouble our efforts in order to bump our sport’s profile even higher in the public consciousness. We can build on our current efforts but girls and paintball celebs will only take us so far. It’s time to learn from other more successful sports.
What is needed is a plan for expanding public perception and awareness. If you’re thinking more and better paintball action presented in a coherent and entertaining way you’re still thinking inside the box. It’s not about the Game, it’s about appearances. It’s about popularity and appealing to the non-ballin’ public. After all, we’ve already got the players hooked. It’s the mass of uninterested, non-players we’re after now.
Connecting with the public
What’s the first thing you see and who gets face time at major sporting events? No, not the athletes, dufus. It’s the A-list celebrities, doh. So clearly the first thing Paintball needs is to attract the jet set crowd. Celebrities deliver instant credibility and cache. Celebrities would make being seen hanging out at paintball events the cool thing to do. How do we grab them? Celebrities love goodie bags full of free gifts so if Paintball starts handing out the freebies while doing some obsequious fawning we should be golden. (We already do sponsorships so it isn’t that much of a stretch, right?) I say bribe the shallow and narcissistic starlet du jour if that’s what it takes. Forget your pride and dignity, it’s all about the Game and you do what needs doing if you really care. Or maybe not. As we all know that kind of money doesn’t exist in paintball which is why we need to get this mainstreaming business going pronto. If we can’t buy celebrity attention we must be prepared to take it to the next level to encourage celebrity participation.
Here’s a few ideas: hold their pets hostage to their tourney appearances, threaten to torch their agents’ offices, break into their Beverly Hills plastic surgeon’s office and steal their 'before' photos or hook their genitals up to car batteries until they beg to attend paintball events. If that’s too extreme for you pansies try hiring some dog whisperer to the stars who is willing to swear celebrity pooches prefer paintball to chasing frisbees. Or get some unscrupulous cat psychic who insists there’s an epidemic of feline depression that can only be filled by extreme paintball action. Maybe find some feng shui guru to design the grandstand field for ultimate harmony or get a radical psychologist to promote paintball instead of the mass medicating of their brats. And if we get really desperate we could hire a Dyan Cannon and Jack Nicholson look-a-like to sit courtside. Nobody ever sees them anymore anyway except at Laker games.
Role models
Our very own superstars also need to begin making the necessary sacrifices to reach a wider audience. After all, what do sports heroes do? Whatever it takes. Where are the illegitimate kids? Pro basketball has hundreds of ‘em. What about drug busts? Do a stretch in lockup for the good of the Game. The least you could do is confess to steroid use or maybe take a couple cycles of hgh. And where are the weepy public apologies and trips to the rehab clinics? Or the candid expose type photos in the weekender sections of the newspaper’s society section? How about a drunken fight or two at least? Even better, a drunken fight or two between teammates. After a few Nick Nolte-esque Smoking Gun style mug shots released to the media Paintball will be on top of the world. Paintball made these peeps who are they are today and while it may not be a popular stand to take, by golly, they owe the sport something in return. It’s called giving back.
Okay, we’ve got a plan for building a celebrity fan base but that’s only half the program.
Keeping it real
Mainstream sports thrive on rivalries. Yankees versus the Red Sox. Dallas Cowboys versus the Washington Redskins. The Lakers versus the Celtics. Michigan versus Ohio State and Notre Dame versus pretty much anybody ‘cus everybody hates Notre Dame, right? The point is these rivalries transcend the sports fan’s normal interest simply because they are told the teams involved have a long history of competition and a rabid hatred for each other. This a another area where our superstars are letting us down. Sure, they yap a bit and talk a lot of smack and bonusball each other during games but that’s just not good enough. What with the anonymity of goggles and the lack of a focal point most of the best confrontations don’t get the big audience. It’s time to get serious. What’s needed are public calling outs, bitter denunciations, mocking, trash-talking media interviews and the occasional pit clearing brawl. But no slapping. I realize this is gonna require some special training to give the fisticuffs some verisimilitude but if Paintball is serious we must take every available measure. Just think of it, fines for misconduct and routine public pronouncements from the commissioner’s office attempting to quell all manner of outrageous gossip and innuendo. Can the sports pages and talk radio be far behind?
Now we’re making progress!
Roll the dice
What do other successful sports have going for them that Paintball doesn’t? Here’s a hint: What’s the other hot, hot, hot fad "sport" right now? Poker on TV. Why is poker a TV success? I like to call it the three-legged stool of success; celebrities, gambling and freaks. We’ve got the celebrity angle covered already. And Paintball is blessed with more freaks than a carnival sideshow. (Of course there’s also a fair amount of crossover between celebrities and freaks so all those twofers are a bonus.) But gambling is where the successful mainstream sports have the big advantage over Paintball. Legal and illegal betting makes the sports world tick. When there’s money riding on the outcome–your money–sport takes on a whole new level of intensity and interest. When a match of also rans might normally elicit a yawn at best consider what the opportunity to cash in on a team’s mediocrity means. Unwarranted attention and emotion expended without regard to the match’s consequences in a purely sporting sense because peeps are winning or losing big on the result. This is the beauty of gambling on sports. It makes each match, each point, each penalty matter. It magnifies every contest all out of normal proportion and the big winner is ... Paintball! Imagine the action outside the NXL arena during an event. Betting windows open for action taking bets on individual match outcomes, working combos on the daily results, picking the division winners, the Sunday match-ups–the list is almost endless. Talk about your crowds. Paintball will need arenas just for the gamblers. We’ll also need oddsmakers, expert touts, record books for following the teams and players, websites for off track betting and more. A whole new sub-industry. Can garbage collection and linen services be far behind? You want more paintball on TV? Show them the money!
There you have it, kids. A blueprint for future success. Paintball has the leadership in place that can make this happen. Men of vision and determination who will leave no stone unturned in the quest to mainstream Paintball. Now is the time for the rest of us to stand and be counted, to step up to the challenge facing us and willingly take our places beside our leaders and with one voice affirm our commitment to helping Paintball achieve the level of recognition, admiration and support it deserves. Together we can lift Paintball into the Sports stratosphere and beyond, using the traditional recipe to sporting success; celebrity involvement, grossly offensive and anti-social public behavior by our athletes and gambling. What are we waiting for?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Superstar Interview, part 1
I'm getting close to being able to put up a dead tree archive of the original VIEW material and in the meantime here's a piece written in April of 2007 that was deemed unsuitable. See what you think.
I've been networking for months to establish a relationship with an important player in the world of Paintball. The following is excerpted from the resulting interview.
The Superstar is in a contemplative mood, leaning away from the tabletop that separates us in the quiet coffeeshop. Shadow falls across his face as he stares past me at the passing traffic. Unconsciously he tugs at hanks of his hair. Prickles of condensation on his iced mocha latte slowly soak into the napkin serving as a coaster.
The Superstar has bags under his eyes and squints constantly whenever the sun dips out from behind the rolling clouds despite the tinted window between our booth and the outdoors. I ask, "How you doing? You look tired." I hope my envy isn’t apparent. Wow, what a life he must lead. Play all day, party all night. Sweet.
He sighs, "You don't know the half of it, dude."
"Burning the candle at both ends, huh?" I say with what I hope is a knowing laugh.
"Not enough hours in the day–"
The waitress interrupts as she sets my Dr. Pepper down. After she leaves I begin with
"So what’s it like to live the life everyone wants?"
"What life would that be? Man, you got no idea." He hesitates, reaches into the backpack beside him and pulls out a pack of Camels before rolling his eyes and tossing them back into his pack. "Can’t smoke indoors anymore." He fidgets for a moment and asks, "What was the question again?"
"Living the life everyone wants," I say quietly.
"If they think it’s so great they can have it." He stares at me hard for a second and then backtracks. Shrugging he says, "It used to be awesome. All the attention. Everybody wanting to be your friend. Now it’s all the attention and everyone wanting to be my friend." The Superstar grinned his trademark smile. "It can still be a lot of fun and I still meet a lot of cool people but sometimes I can’t help wondering what all the fuss is about. In my darker moments I tend to think I don’t even really matter, just that guy who plays ball."
This isn’t going the way I expected. "One dream of every kid out there is playing for free. Can you tell them what it’s like and do you have any advice for your fans?"
"Free? Yeah, right. I’ll tell you about free. You’re always dancing to somebody else’s tune. Shoot this gat. Wear those goggles. Endorse that paint. After your second photo shoot the luster definitely wears off." He slurps a gulp of his drink and smacks it back down. "I don’t mean to sound ungrateful ‘cus I’m not. And there was a time when it was like the coolest thing in the world to get stuff for free and just play ball. But it isn’t like that anymore. There’s all this other stuff going on. All these other demands being made and you find out pretty damn quick just how free your stuff really is if you don’t do what you’re told." The Superstar looks out the window and sighs. "I understand it’s a business and all, I do, but the fact is it’s not free. Not really."
"I can see that," I respond, slowly, desperately trying to find a way to turn the interview around. I wanted something more than the usual canned answers but this wasn’t it. "Gotta be nice to make a kid’s day, right? Sign some autographs and take some pictures. I bet that helps recharge the old batteries."
The Superstar laughs and shaking his head says, "You’d think so. Truth is after awhile you feel like you’re always on display. Every time I smile my face hurts from doing it all the time. I used to get a real kick out of it, in the beginning, the kids clamoring to meet you, practically begging for an autograph. All the excitement when they’d yell at you for a headband, a pair of gloves or your jersey." He wrapped his hands around his cup and continued, "It used to be like that, I think. At least I believed it was. Now, you know anything you give away is gonna end up on Ebay. They like you for as long as it takes to get something from you. I want it to be like it was but it’s hard not to see all those kids as a horde of grubby, grasping rude obnoxious punks looking to see what they can score off you."
"That sucks."
"That ain’t the half of it. Don’t give ‘um what they want, pass up one autograph, don’t smile sincerely enough, whatever. One time you don’t jump when some a**hole says jump and the next thing you know it’s all over the internet that you’re an ungrateful prima donna. Have forgotten about you’re fans and worse. What a load of– " The Superstar paused for a deep breath. "All I’m saying is they should try it sometime. That’s all."
"Never thought of it like that," I admitted, moving to safer ground. "I guess that makes the events themselves kind of like a break from the routine. A time to relax and enjoy playing?" I ask hopefully as I mentally cross my fingers.
The Superstar mulls over his response. "The times I like the best are practices, I think. Sure, there’s people around but practice is about the team, just us, and playing ball. At events the playing part is usually good–if we’re doing okay. And winning is always good but what is it when losing is worse than winning is good?"
I stutter like a moron. I don’t know what to say. I guess the question was rhetorical because before I can manage even a pitiful answer he continues, "It’s just a concentrated version of every other time you meet the fans. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. Sometimes the autographs and pictures are, you know, okay, fun even and sometimes you get the parents from hell who want you to watch their kid’s video of him playing some rookie event like if you only watch you’ll decide instantly the kid is perfect for your team and you want him to make the jump to the pros tomorrow. I mean they are practically pimping out little Jimmy and you wonder who wants this, is it really about the kid?
"And then there's the ones who wanna show off by playing too cool to care, come up to meet you but act like they're doing you a favor by showing up." Suddenly the Superstar adds, "Clinics are okay. It’s all about paintball and I know why they came. I like clinics."
"Yeah, okay," I say, "Travel around the world on somebody else’s dime. Must be sweet." I’m beginning to sweat. I hope he doesn’t notice.
"Like I said, the clinics are cool but the travel bites." He looks at his watch, "Is this the correct time? I left my soul three time zones east, I think. Try living your life out of a suitcase. Where’s home? What’s home? Before long it seems like most of your contact with friends, real friends, and family is on the phone. Texting." The Superstar leaned back with his fingers laced behind his head. "Maybe it’s just me. I know some guys who say they like it. Think of it as a constant adventure. I wish I did."
"Dude, I had no idea," I said, momentarily losing my objectivity, "but at least there’s the parties, right?"
The Superstar chuckled mirthlessly. "I admit I used to dig the party scene but, you know, maybe it’s just I’m getting older. Or I’ve already done it all. That and I’m really tired of waking up not knowing where I am and having people tell me how much fun I was but I can’t for the life of me remember. Sure, maybe the first time you wake up naked in a bathtub it’s a trip but it gets old fast. For real. Most days I’d rather take a nap."
"But the girls ..?" I stutter.
"When’s the last time you licked a penny you picked up off the ground?" he asked. Before I could respond he continued. "Sober most of ‘em ain’t all that and plenty of ‘em have been passed around more than the last blunt in a roomful of Jamaicans. I didn’t used to care..." He held out his hands, palms up. "Sorry but you asked."
Disappointed I blurted out, "If it’s so terrible you can always get out."
"And do what?" he demanded. "I didn't finish school. I got rent to pay. A car payment. You ought’a see my phone bill. It all costs money. Money I ain't got. If we ever stop winning the sponsor cash is gonna dry up faster than you can say Death Valley."
The Superstar smiled wryly. "I'm hanging on waiting for TV cash. When that comes through maybe I can save a little bit. Until then, open another store, sell a few more signed jerseys, teach a few more idiots how to play. On my good days I still love to play."
* Just in case a few of you are still wondering–No, it isn’t a real interview. To paraphrase Dan Rather it's totally fake but absolutely accurate. And if you’re now screaming incoherently and calling me names direct your anger in a positive way and send me some hate mail ‘cus I get lonely and your abuse cheers me up. Besides, I really wrote this for a special group of players and, yes, you guys know who you are.
I've been networking for months to establish a relationship with an important player in the world of Paintball. The following is excerpted from the resulting interview.
The Superstar is in a contemplative mood, leaning away from the tabletop that separates us in the quiet coffeeshop. Shadow falls across his face as he stares past me at the passing traffic. Unconsciously he tugs at hanks of his hair. Prickles of condensation on his iced mocha latte slowly soak into the napkin serving as a coaster.
The Superstar has bags under his eyes and squints constantly whenever the sun dips out from behind the rolling clouds despite the tinted window between our booth and the outdoors. I ask, "How you doing? You look tired." I hope my envy isn’t apparent. Wow, what a life he must lead. Play all day, party all night. Sweet.
He sighs, "You don't know the half of it, dude."
"Burning the candle at both ends, huh?" I say with what I hope is a knowing laugh.
"Not enough hours in the day–"
The waitress interrupts as she sets my Dr. Pepper down. After she leaves I begin with
"So what’s it like to live the life everyone wants?"
"What life would that be? Man, you got no idea." He hesitates, reaches into the backpack beside him and pulls out a pack of Camels before rolling his eyes and tossing them back into his pack. "Can’t smoke indoors anymore." He fidgets for a moment and asks, "What was the question again?"
"Living the life everyone wants," I say quietly.
"If they think it’s so great they can have it." He stares at me hard for a second and then backtracks. Shrugging he says, "It used to be awesome. All the attention. Everybody wanting to be your friend. Now it’s all the attention and everyone wanting to be my friend." The Superstar grinned his trademark smile. "It can still be a lot of fun and I still meet a lot of cool people but sometimes I can’t help wondering what all the fuss is about. In my darker moments I tend to think I don’t even really matter, just that guy who plays ball."
This isn’t going the way I expected. "One dream of every kid out there is playing for free. Can you tell them what it’s like and do you have any advice for your fans?"
"Free? Yeah, right. I’ll tell you about free. You’re always dancing to somebody else’s tune. Shoot this gat. Wear those goggles. Endorse that paint. After your second photo shoot the luster definitely wears off." He slurps a gulp of his drink and smacks it back down. "I don’t mean to sound ungrateful ‘cus I’m not. And there was a time when it was like the coolest thing in the world to get stuff for free and just play ball. But it isn’t like that anymore. There’s all this other stuff going on. All these other demands being made and you find out pretty damn quick just how free your stuff really is if you don’t do what you’re told." The Superstar looks out the window and sighs. "I understand it’s a business and all, I do, but the fact is it’s not free. Not really."
"I can see that," I respond, slowly, desperately trying to find a way to turn the interview around. I wanted something more than the usual canned answers but this wasn’t it. "Gotta be nice to make a kid’s day, right? Sign some autographs and take some pictures. I bet that helps recharge the old batteries."
The Superstar laughs and shaking his head says, "You’d think so. Truth is after awhile you feel like you’re always on display. Every time I smile my face hurts from doing it all the time. I used to get a real kick out of it, in the beginning, the kids clamoring to meet you, practically begging for an autograph. All the excitement when they’d yell at you for a headband, a pair of gloves or your jersey." He wrapped his hands around his cup and continued, "It used to be like that, I think. At least I believed it was. Now, you know anything you give away is gonna end up on Ebay. They like you for as long as it takes to get something from you. I want it to be like it was but it’s hard not to see all those kids as a horde of grubby, grasping rude obnoxious punks looking to see what they can score off you."
"That sucks."
"That ain’t the half of it. Don’t give ‘um what they want, pass up one autograph, don’t smile sincerely enough, whatever. One time you don’t jump when some a**hole says jump and the next thing you know it’s all over the internet that you’re an ungrateful prima donna. Have forgotten about you’re fans and worse. What a load of– " The Superstar paused for a deep breath. "All I’m saying is they should try it sometime. That’s all."
"Never thought of it like that," I admitted, moving to safer ground. "I guess that makes the events themselves kind of like a break from the routine. A time to relax and enjoy playing?" I ask hopefully as I mentally cross my fingers.
The Superstar mulls over his response. "The times I like the best are practices, I think. Sure, there’s people around but practice is about the team, just us, and playing ball. At events the playing part is usually good–if we’re doing okay. And winning is always good but what is it when losing is worse than winning is good?"
I stutter like a moron. I don’t know what to say. I guess the question was rhetorical because before I can manage even a pitiful answer he continues, "It’s just a concentrated version of every other time you meet the fans. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. Sometimes the autographs and pictures are, you know, okay, fun even and sometimes you get the parents from hell who want you to watch their kid’s video of him playing some rookie event like if you only watch you’ll decide instantly the kid is perfect for your team and you want him to make the jump to the pros tomorrow. I mean they are practically pimping out little Jimmy and you wonder who wants this, is it really about the kid?
"And then there's the ones who wanna show off by playing too cool to care, come up to meet you but act like they're doing you a favor by showing up." Suddenly the Superstar adds, "Clinics are okay. It’s all about paintball and I know why they came. I like clinics."
"Yeah, okay," I say, "Travel around the world on somebody else’s dime. Must be sweet." I’m beginning to sweat. I hope he doesn’t notice.
"Like I said, the clinics are cool but the travel bites." He looks at his watch, "Is this the correct time? I left my soul three time zones east, I think. Try living your life out of a suitcase. Where’s home? What’s home? Before long it seems like most of your contact with friends, real friends, and family is on the phone. Texting." The Superstar leaned back with his fingers laced behind his head. "Maybe it’s just me. I know some guys who say they like it. Think of it as a constant adventure. I wish I did."
"Dude, I had no idea," I said, momentarily losing my objectivity, "but at least there’s the parties, right?"
The Superstar chuckled mirthlessly. "I admit I used to dig the party scene but, you know, maybe it’s just I’m getting older. Or I’ve already done it all. That and I’m really tired of waking up not knowing where I am and having people tell me how much fun I was but I can’t for the life of me remember. Sure, maybe the first time you wake up naked in a bathtub it’s a trip but it gets old fast. For real. Most days I’d rather take a nap."
"But the girls ..?" I stutter.
"When’s the last time you licked a penny you picked up off the ground?" he asked. Before I could respond he continued. "Sober most of ‘em ain’t all that and plenty of ‘em have been passed around more than the last blunt in a roomful of Jamaicans. I didn’t used to care..." He held out his hands, palms up. "Sorry but you asked."
Disappointed I blurted out, "If it’s so terrible you can always get out."
"And do what?" he demanded. "I didn't finish school. I got rent to pay. A car payment. You ought’a see my phone bill. It all costs money. Money I ain't got. If we ever stop winning the sponsor cash is gonna dry up faster than you can say Death Valley."
The Superstar smiled wryly. "I'm hanging on waiting for TV cash. When that comes through maybe I can save a little bit. Until then, open another store, sell a few more signed jerseys, teach a few more idiots how to play. On my good days I still love to play."
* Just in case a few of you are still wondering–No, it isn’t a real interview. To paraphrase Dan Rather it's totally fake but absolutely accurate. And if you’re now screaming incoherently and calling me names direct your anger in a positive way and send me some hate mail ‘cus I get lonely and your abuse cheers me up. Besides, I really wrote this for a special group of players and, yes, you guys know who you are.
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