Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Vegas Addendum

It seems our friends over at the NPPL have posted some additional event info & a code of conduct for Vegas. And since it's posted at their website and not on Pev's Facebook page I was concerned that many of the first timers might miss it. (A link is posted on the NPPL Facebook page.) So I've decided to cover the highlights in brief. Consider it a VFTD public service. (Post title is link to the NPPL page.)
(O/T--if you're wondering about part 3 of the World Cup layout practice I'll probably get around to it but this stuff just came up, along with a couple other things and it wasn't like the practice posts were lighting the world on fire so ... There you go.)
The big one is keep your markers under wraps except on the field, the chrono area or the players paddock. Otherwise you might be ejected or suspended for 3 games. That includes hotels, cars, walking the street, dashing thru the airport, etc. Hide your gats. No, it isn't any clearer than that but just don't do it and you'll probably be fine.
If you choose to park in the Convention Center lot it may not be free. The last two years it's been $10 a day.
The use of unauthorized paint will result in severe penalties. We're not saying what those penalties are but they will be severe--you can count on that. And you better not spill any paint outside the authorized event area--or else.
All teams must attend the Captain's Meeting. (Unfortunately they don't specify the penalty for not attending but it's, you know, probably severe. Yes, I'm kidding. I hope.) Subjects to be discussed; no swearing, zero tolerance, ref's discretion if swearing non-aggressive or non-malicious. Also zero tolerance for talking after being eliminated. Again at ref's discretion. (No, I'm not making this up. Note to NPPL kids--zero tolerance and ref's discretion are not compatible concepts. It's one or the other. Can't be both.) And finally, to all you blatant cheaters, better watch out 'cus the refs will be on you like white on rice.
[I'm assuming some of this is in response to DC. The only other response the league had to the failures and criticism regarding the DC event was to post a heart-warming paean to the virtues of officiating. For real. See here.]
Next up is registration. Bring cash and a government ID and remember your team captain is solely responsible for any illegal roster inclusions and may, as a consequence, be subject to severe penalties and forfeitures before, during or after the tournament. I wish I knew what those severe penalties were as they is popping up everywhere. And what exactly does a team captain forfeit? Or does that apply to the team? But if the captain is solely responsible I ... I'm left scratching my head.
Any player caught on the field without a wristband will be, say it with me now, subject to severe penalties and probably suspended for the event. How is one probably suspended? Is this another one of those zero tolerance at the ref's discretion situations? Players caught without a signed waiver--I can't wait for this to happen--will suffer the consequences. (Direct quote.) OMG, not the consequences!
Under the heading of ID cards here's a couple of quoted sections. "The penalty for not playing with a card, suspension from event, loss of points and a minimum $500.00 fine, due immediately from the offender or team captain." So let me see if I understand this correctly. If I have a player ID but don't play I am subject to suspension, loss of team points and a fine? Seems kinda harsh to me. Then there's this: "Please make sure your information is accurate, or you and your team could be subject to prize forfeiture, penalties, civil legal action and/or suspensions."  Which translated means we have no good way to verify anything so we're hoping to scare you into compliance. Civil legal action? Really?
There's a drugs and alcohol section too done with the same precision as the rest of this announcement. As it reads you could be booted for taking aspirin--but of course that isn't what they mean even if it is what they said.
And when you arrive, look around and wonder where the huge trade show & exhibition are the NPPL wants you to know that it's ... "at the Beach."

I have a confession to make. A small part of me kinda hopes these guys are responsible for all the press releases in the new PNSPPPL.


Don Saavedra said...

Hooray! English writing skills!

Reiner Schafer said...

That was hilarious. Well, except for the PenisPPL acronym. You're not serious are you?

Missy Q said...

I don't know what I'm more afraid of - 'the consequences' or 'severe penalties'. Can we set up a 'threat-level indicator' so that we know how skeered to get? I'm thinking kinda like the Defcon sequence, but easier to understand...

Anonymous said...

Mark said:
So players, PAINTBALL players, must always have their wrist band, player ID, AND signed waiver on them at all times while playing? Aren't there laws against grossly challenging the mental capacity of the mentally challenged.

Out of curiosity, let's say a player dislocates his shoulder, do NPPL officials go through his pockets for his (hopefully) signed waiver before the medics can slide him into the ambulance? And what could possibly be the "consequences" at that point, to dislocate the other shoulder?

Reiner Schafer said...

I would assume the signed waiver would be taken from them BEFORE they start playing, in which case wouldn't it be the leagues responsibility to make sure they have one on file before they allow someone to play? That's sort of the way it works EVERYWHERE waivers are required to participate in everything, not just paintball.

Baca Loco said...

Pretty sure "the consequences" are worse. Maybe different colored paintballs; green, yellow, orange, pink and red. We have a code pink ... oh, wait a minute. Maybe not.

While I confess to routinely watching Craig Ferguson on the late late show you are the one with his mind in the gutter, my friend. All I did was alternate letters mixing PSP and NPPL. The fact you "read" them that way is on you. ;)

See section on Registration on NPPL website. I'm sure that will clear everything up for you.

raehl said...

I get a kick out of the "all teams must attend the captain's meeting" requirement. That's so 1998. The teams have voted with their feet - they don't show up, because they know enough of them don't show up that the league doesn't dare penalize anyone for not showing up.

It's 2011. Absolutely no critical information whatsoever should be communicated at a captain's meeting. Email it, Facebook it, PbN it, text it. The only reason to communicate critical information at a captain's meeting is if you're intentionally hoping some teams won't be there to get the message.

Not saying there shouldn't be a captain's meeting, but it needs to be treated as a "Here's your chance as a team to have direct access to a league official", NOT as a mass communication platform.

Twisted Games Of Texas Paintball said...

I haven't laughed so hard since...well, since I can't remember when. And all the while I am wearing my new VFTD t-shirt which came in the mail yesterday!

Baca Loco said...

Glad to hear it arrived, Kim. Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

That was absolutely hilarious.

Anonymous said...

See section on Registration on NPPL website. I'm sure that will clear everything up for you."

Mark said:
Unless I'm missing something, not really. I'm sure they do file the waivers at the registration desk, but it's the whole "caught without" thing that implies that it must be on your person.
Translation: We understand that paintball players are mentally challenged so rather than delay games because you retards can't correctly fill out a legal document we'd rather scare you into compliance.

Anonymous said...


I think you missed the sarcasm.

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