Random (paintball-related) Rants

I'm in the middle of  part 3 of the World Cup Practice posts but didn't feel like finishing it. Or perhaps more accurately got side-tracked, again. One thing I've been meaning to talk about are the logistics of a merger in the sense of how it might affect the actual competition irrespective of any format change. And then there's a couple of items that came up today.
The first isn't really new but my resolve to do something about it coalesced today. I am referring to the seemingly endless fount of email pressers the big event series spam you with as part of their "service" to their sponsors. I have objected to the volume in the past and nobody cared. (Which is fine.) But even as I ranted about it I let it continue resignedly accepting it as a personal sacrifice for the good the game sorta thing. Yeah, well, I'm done with that. Before I continue maybe I ought to make it plain that I am not a gearhead. Never have been. (If you are your tolerance of such mailers may accordingly differ from mine.) Never had more than a passing interest in the stuff of paintball so getting slammed with notices of those new barrels or that new shoe or whatever I couldn't care less and with the rising volume it has just become a nuisance. But the good folks at PALS have taken it beyond annoying and into stalker-ish territory. 18 email promotions in the last four days was the final straw. I couldn't easily unsubscribe so I relegated all PALS email to my Junk folder. And odds are they won't be the only ones. (I don't like direct mail either.)
In the last day or so somebody started a thread in the PSP forum over at the Nation ostensibly querying views on the Coaching Question. Referring, as usual, to sideline coaching, hollering, incoherent screaming, sign waving and the like. He did so by setting up the false dichotomy of more run throughs versus sideline coaching and equating run throughs as competitive paintball's version of the slam dunk. Once upon a time in basketball the dunk was exciting. When it didn't happen that often. Today, the way the pro game in particular is played, there may be a dozen dunks in a game. Whoop-de-doo. The more routine an action becomes the less interesting or special it becomes--not the other way 'round. Personally I'd rather see 48 minutes of good hoops than a highlight reel of outsized men jamming the rock through the hole at close range. But I get the analogy--even if it is flawed. The problem here is, that much like the OWS (and all the lookalike protests it has spawned) they may have identified a legit issue but their "fix" doesn't actually address that issue. A sideline coach never stopped a well-executed take down. Period. End of story. Now if the real issue is getting the take down and living to tell the tale that's a different issue--but even that isn't because sideline coaching makes it impossible or even nearly so. Time to move on.
Separate from the will-a-merger-change-the-format chatter is the question of what the Pro division looks like in the aftermath and how the merger might impact the other divisions. In recent years the Pro field in the PSP has been the exclusive province of the Pro teams until Sunday and even then the pro refs are exclusive to pro matches. In the PSP not only does the format contribute to a best outcome but so does the quality of the officiating. (It's not perfect but it's a damn sight closer than anything the NPPL has ever put on their center court--with one exception.) A continuation of the basic practices will either limit the number of pro teams or force an expansion of the pro reffing cadre and its supervision. And that is not a minor consideration. There has also been some talk of bringing back the Semi-Pro Division. Part of the problem is that NPPL has 10 pro teams that do not already participate in the PSP and the showing of (Pro 7-man competitive) Portland Uprising recently has to be viewed as a cautionary tale by the rest. So, A) there isn't room under the current system for everyone, and B) it isn't unreasonable to assume that some number of the potential new guys aren't going to be competitive--at least initially. Toss into the mix that only 11 of the current participants in the NPPL have "owner" status (and that may not mean 11 teams) and the plot thickens some more. One would have to assume that "owners" have a leg up but even then there are a few teams that currently have rostered players who also play on other teams and there's no telling exactly how that could shake out--although that is almost certainly part of the reason there are board members dead set against a merger. Whatever happens it isn't going to be as easy as simply deciding to do it. Part of whatever happens will be predicated on what already is.

Baca's Mailbag: The HB Commercials

Dear Baca

I loved the Huntington Beach broadcast on ESPN3, especially on Friday, but ... with all the time in between games it wasn't long before I was alternating between wanting to kill everyone and anyone involved in making those weak ass paintball commercials we saw over and over and over again and wondering if the ceiling fan was sturdy enough to support my body weight if I hung myself. In retrospect it sounds extreme, I know, but I'm already worried about what might happen if I watch a Chitown broadcast. I want to support paintball. What should I do?

signed,

Off my meds

Dear Off

I am not a doctor and I haven't stayed in a Holiday Inn Express lately but I feel confident in suggesting you reconsider getting back on your meds. If they are anything like mine I sympathise with your predicament but you get used to that fuzzy-headed disorienting sensation in time. I chase mine with a couple of beers and pretend it's the 80s again.

If that's a non-starter for you let me recommend you prepare your home in advance for next time. (It goes without saying that we will support any paintball broadcasts ...) Remove all the sharp objects, rope, weapons & give your car keys to a trusted friend or family member for the duration. That should minimize the potential harm you might do to others or yourself.

It might also help if you keep in mind how annoying and moronic real commercials frequently are and try to cut the paintball kids some slack. They are making an effort to contribute to a better paintball future--even if repeated exposure to their commercials makes you suicidal.

PS--If some of you are wondering if I know something you don't because I mention a hypothetical Chicago broadcast--the answer is yes, I know some things you don't but not about any future NPPL broadcasts.

Rumor Redux & Paintball Stuff

Another Monday and that means it's time to plug today's post over at the Big Bullet. (Although, as I write this today's post has yet to be posted--but it will be. It's called 'The Mech Warrior' and if you want to know what it's about you'll just have to go see. No shame in my game.)

On the subject of blatant teases there's the current pretend-it's-not-really-a-promotion promotion for the new Impulse from SP. It's a promo piece for Eurodealers that was accidentally released. Sure. And I'm Mary Poppins. A restricted piece for promotion to Eurodealers that doesn't show the new marker or offer any details at all. Nada. Zip. Nothing. How very informative. Seriously, does anyone believe this kind of thing anymore? Apparently so. And no denying that it works. It costs almost nothing and it gets all the gearheads and gun whores happily discussing the possibilities and waiting anxiously for the next tid-bit of non-info while the real product just happens to have an introductory date within the next three weeks.

Regarding the post, 'The Ultimate Paintball Conspiracy,' I have received some queries wondering what sort of backlash might be forthcoming as a result of the post. There won't be any, in part, because I didn't name any names thereby forcing peeps into the position of having to deny something and because I've actually done the new paintball crowd a favor. The talk has existed for years so I do not find it coincidental that vague talk about a new paintball has leaked quietly in a number of places recently. Part of the process is to put the idea out there and gauge public response. My post, regardless of the slant, advances that process.
That does not mean I expect to see a new paintball any time soon. Or ever, necessarily. As I stated in the post I think it unlikely and I'm certainly not advocating it. The idea of a new paintball however isn't the same thing as my opinion of the idea. If my opinions had any bearing on reality there would, for example, have been no TARP, bailouts or the insanity of printing money round the clock. Alas, my opinion is irrelevant.

Tomorrow, along with the usual MLP Weekly Update (which is frequently not very uplifting) I've decided to have some fun and do a Battle of ML Websites--and, who knows, there might even be a poll allowing you lazy slackers an opportunity to not vote. Isn't America great?

Clockwork Orange

Or yellow fill in a lower grade paint. Take your pick. As part of their World Cup promotion Severe is knocking off one of the classic poster images of "Alex" from the Stanley Kubrick film adaptation of Anthony Burgess's accidentally prophetic take on the results of therapeutic society in 'A Clockwork Orange.' Purposeless gangs of youth perpetrate random acts of extreme violence to repel boredom for their own atavistic amusement. Just what paintball needs more of--the glorification of meaningless violence. Pure freaking genius.

Disclaimer: I'm using Severe here as it's current as today's mass email promotion and because the symbology might as well be a two-by-four upside the head. They aren't alone. As a product it's perfectly good paint. That's not the issue.

Paintball is rife with little Alex DeFarges (the Malcolm McDowell character pictured in the promotion) and everybody these days wrings their hands and bemoans the destructive (usually adolescent) behavior permeating tournament paintball. (And slowly leaking into every facet of paintball.) Newsflash, kids! If you'd like to pass out some blame start by looking in the mirror. Your marketing and promotion encourages anti-social and borderline violent behavior and y'all have been doing it for years. You know, the whole reaping and sowing thing?
I know, I know, you're self-righteously not having any. Dishing out culpability to PBI(ndustry) because of the outlaw rebel fantasy marketing seems over the top. You aren't responsible, you say. It's like saying video games make kids violent in real life. Maybe so. And if everyone was more or less well-adjusted a bit of bad boy fantasy would probably be harmless. But PBI isn't operating in a cultural or social vacuum. At worst what's happened is that a grown-up fantasy (that grown-ups don't take seriously) has served to feed a pre-existing beast and at best has done absolutely nothing to discourage the worst instincts of a lot of little pukes.

Beyond the facts on the ground it's also demonstrative of a couple of other PBI failings; namely rampant self-destructive me-too-ism. Ever wonder why nearly every marketing scheme is a variation on the same themes? Or why every year's new line of hip, cool, trendy T-shirts look just like everybody else? Cus it's paintball's predictable ripoff of other extreme sports gimmicks. It's fear and lack of creativity. And while everybody talks a good game and PBI is suddenly interested in actually promoting the game what is it outsiders see? Is the bigger problem ungrateful smack-talkin' bonusballing mouthbreathers or an industry-wide campaign in recent years to promote a gun related activity by aggrandizing angry, anti-social outlaw narcissism.

All that from one e-advert. Damn, I'm good. Alienated yet?