Baca's Mailbag: The HB Commercials

Dear Baca

I loved the Huntington Beach broadcast on ESPN3, especially on Friday, but ... with all the time in between games it wasn't long before I was alternating between wanting to kill everyone and anyone involved in making those weak ass paintball commercials we saw over and over and over again and wondering if the ceiling fan was sturdy enough to support my body weight if I hung myself. In retrospect it sounds extreme, I know, but I'm already worried about what might happen if I watch a Chitown broadcast. I want to support paintball. What should I do?

signed,

Off my meds

Dear Off

I am not a doctor and I haven't stayed in a Holiday Inn Express lately but I feel confident in suggesting you reconsider getting back on your meds. If they are anything like mine I sympathise with your predicament but you get used to that fuzzy-headed disorienting sensation in time. I chase mine with a couple of beers and pretend it's the 80s again.

If that's a non-starter for you let me recommend you prepare your home in advance for next time. (It goes without saying that we will support any paintball broadcasts ...) Remove all the sharp objects, rope, weapons & give your car keys to a trusted friend or family member for the duration. That should minimize the potential harm you might do to others or yourself.

It might also help if you keep in mind how annoying and moronic real commercials frequently are and try to cut the paintball kids some slack. They are making an effort to contribute to a better paintball future--even if repeated exposure to their commercials makes you suicidal.

PS--If some of you are wondering if I know something you don't because I mention a hypothetical Chicago broadcast--the answer is yes, I know some things you don't but not about any future NPPL broadcasts.