Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A Tool For Every Job

Y'all just dodged a metaphorical bullet. Having nothing topical I was about to pick up where 'A Bar Too High' left off--and nobody wants that. (VFTD has to do stuff like that periodically to maintain my credibility as the iconoclastic fringe of the intellectual wing of competitive paintball. Yes, it's a very tiny niche. A deadbox puppet army of one, you might even say.) Anyway, as I was saying, you dodged that bullet.
Today's premise is there's a tool for every job--and y'all are gonna help (by playing along) thus killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. But first let me explain. It's like this: there's a fanboy for every gat, an aggot for all things agg, a waiting bandwagon for every fad and a hall monitor, or forum commander or whatever, for every thread at PBN. What I want from you (yes, you) are other combinations matching tools and jobs wherever you find them in the wide world of paintball.
Keep in mind the piss poor job you did (no, not you, the other guy, YES YOU) on the last two Another Cynical VFTD Game(s) and the fact ProPaintball's identical poll to The Monday Poll is kicking butt. [The least you could do is vote in The Monday Poll--and get all your friends to drop by and vote, too.] They may be drones and clones over there but they know how to vote. Which ought to shame you (yes, you) lazy slackers into action but the truth is you're spoiled. Well, I'ma taken a few days off.
Fact is if you don't keep yourself occupied when you drop by in the next few days you will be out of luck. I'm outta here tomorrow morning and I won't be posting during the event.


sdawg said...

Big fat-ass back player for every scrawny front player.

Swab for every dirty barrel?

Baca Loco said...

About the second one, sdawg--only if it's a euphemism.

Reiner Schafer said...

Glad we dodged that bullet. No point having a philosophical discussion on competitive paintball when we can talk about tools. ;-)

Anonymous said...

7:00 A.M. Cell phone wakes him up for practice = Wonders why he let her keep him up all night.
8:00 A.M. While driving to practice = Realizes the pod bong idea wont work = The Monster drink has finally kicked in
9:00 A.M. Waiting in line to pay and play = Wishing these scenario pukes would just die = They take up so much space = Their should be a line for special ballers like himself
10.00 A.M. Squad has arrived = Walking the field and Re-adjusting all the bunkers because they weren't lined up correctly...
11:00 A.M.Have played a few games = The other team's a bunch of wipers
12:00 o'clock.Ref = Blower and Squeegee time
2:00 P.M.. + 100 Degree heat = Paint balls don't break
2:00 P.M. + 100 Degree heat = Fight
2:00 P.M. + Fight = Ref blows whistle
2:00 P.M.+ Fight = You learned a lot of things about your mother
3:00 P.M. + Illegal alien + Cart = Digging through trash cans for bottles
4:00 Tow truck + Jumper cables = Dead battery because you left to your ignition on and locked your keys in your truck
4:30 Cell phone = 27 missed calls

Anonymous said...

a vagina for every ponytail?

Missy Q said...

428 woodsballers for every speedballer?

Anonymous said...

a fail for every feast?