When in doubt, throw a contest--or in this case, when you got nothing, throw a contest. I was thinking of doing a power ranking but what's the point anymore? It's the PSP Champions bracket, isn't it? Oh sure Art Chaos deserves some consideration but TonTons are in the PSP now and they're the ones winning MS events and power ranking are all about what have you done for me lately. I considered doing a team-by-team breakdown but I've avoided doing that in the past because I'm not an impartial viewer and don't want to rock any boats while participating in the competitions--but that just goes to show how desperate I am for a decent interesting (competitive paintball related) subject. And, who knows, I still might pick 3 or 4 teams and do one a week until Riverside.
In the meantime I'ma revisit one of may favorite topics and make it a contest, again. Baca's Rules of the Game were last offered as a complete or nearly so package a couple of years ago so it will be new for many of y'all. To see all of the current "rules" go here. If that's too much like work or following directions here's a couple of samples instead.
Baca's Rule #6: The shiny perfection of your gat is in inverse proportion to your ability to use it.
Baca's Rule #7: If you routinely dish out bonusballs quit squealing like a schoolgirl when you are on the receiving end. It's unmanly and pathetic. (Unless you happen to be a schoolgirl in which case it's okay. And could you post it on You Tube? Thanks.)
Baca's Rule #8: Communication is vision.
Baca's Rule #9: ROF is not the determinative factor in paint consumption.
Short, pithy, clever and amusing. I'd like to add some new "rules" to the list, thus this contest. If VFTD receives at least 15 possible rules the best one will receive a free T. If VFTD receives more than 25 anyone whose contribution makes the permanent list will win a free T. And, of course, your comments aren't limited to possible new rules. If you have ideas for something you'd like to see VFTD talk about feel free to add your two cents to the mix.
The contest will remain open until I decide to close it. There it is. That's it. There is no limit to the number of time you may participate in this contest. See, I'm making it as easy as possible for somebody to win. Do your share. You know you sorta kinda almost want to.
Monday, July 1, 2013
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25 comments:
Rule #x
No one outside of paintball gives a shit that you play paintball.
Rule #x
The length of your barrel is inversely proportional to your understanding of phycis.
YOU ARE NOT AN UBER SNIPER WITH YOUR 22" BARREL.
Rule #x
Pump players need to drop the chip on their shoulder before games and quit crying when they get rocked after the games.
GO BUY AN ELECTRO DAMMIT!
Rule #XXX Women are not impressed that you play paintball. No your triger fingers do not carry over to the bed.
When you get pulled or are out of a game, be a man. Walk off the field. Dont' start pointing and jumping up and down yelling at the other guy.Bitch about it AFTER you get off the field.
The number of paintballers gathered in any one place at any one time is inversely proportional to their collective I.Q.
Yes folks, paintball makes you stupid!
Good start, slackers. Now who is gonna step it up to the next level?
Rule 1: The definition of “webcast” is not “a security camera that happens to be pointing your way”.
Rule 2: As soon as you are eliminated, blame the refs, the paint, your gun and your team in that order.
If you are yelling at me after I shoot you, you're getting another rope of paint to remind you dead players don't talk.
Penalties are like Man-boobs - you have to train hard until they go away, and if you get some, you must expect some extra attention from your team-mates.
If you insist on 'standing-out' from your team by sporting pink equipment, you need to be ranked top 5 (at least).
No matter who you are or how long you've been playing, running the flag into your own dead-box, with just over a second left on the match, and then fist-pumping the air in triumph, before realising that you just cost your team the point, and sinking to your knees in self-disgust, is a mistake you can never recover from no matter how many years you play for.
We all like cool nick-names, but you must be assigned one by your team, you can't just decide what you'ld like to be called, and say to your team - "hey - I'd like to be called 'tornado' from now on", because that's super-lame.
You can be fired from the team for weariing a t-shirt that includes both the words "Balls' and 'Face'. There are no exceptions to this rule..
The Missy trifecta:
Any player with man-boobs sporting a pink 'faceballs' t-shirt must be banned from the sport of paintball.
(Unless they are in the top 5. In which case, congrats on the new trend you just set.)
Training Tip.
Practice sliding in any parking lot or sidewalk by first attaching small squares of paintball turf to your knees and elbows. 'Hey Presto' you have a full Xball field to train on anywhere you go!
Make sure that you always make the 'Sunday Club' by simply playing one-day events that take place on Sundays.
Top Tip
Pro-Teams - make yourselves look super-cool and important by parking everywhere except where you're supposed to park. If other teams manage to park even more selfishly than you have, regain your 'edge' by scaring women and kids while driving someone elses golf cart at dangerously high speeds.
MLP Players - did you just join a team and were disappointed to find that one of your team-mates already uses the #69?
No problem. You can create the same exact effect by changing your last name to 'Douchebag' and having that printed on the back of your jersey instead.
c'mon now - That one must be worth a t-shirt...
Geex Missy, is it that time of the month? We may need to change your name to Debbie Downer.
buying brand new gear every week will not make you a better player.
buying talent/superstars/free agents will not make your roster better, if anything it will make it worse.
Whether a rule is a "good" rule or a "bad" rule depends entirely on how it most recently affected your team.
Corollary: Champions/Challengers is the best idea ever, unless your favorite team gets relegated.
Refs that call penalties on you are flag-happy. Refs that call penalties on your opponent are skilled. Refs that don't call penalties on your opponents are lazy or blind.
Anon 8:28 did pretty well
Missy Q, we have a rule at our field, anyone that tries to assign a nickname to themselves are automatically given the nickname "Coco" (it's a Seinfeld thing).
Erm, maybe you should have written "short, pithy and uplifting", or "nice, non-confrontational and polite" as the qualifiers for the rule submissions then, which would have saved me a lot of time, as I don't have anything like that...
When your team plays in relegation games in 66.6% of the PSP events, you must check your soapbox at the door.
Missy "This guy"s stuff isn't on point but it is short, pithy and funny. If only you could produce stuff like that the shirt would be yours. :)
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