Monday, March 5, 2012

VFTD Translates

I haven't done this in a while so it should be fun. (For me anyway.) As a public service to all competitive ballers VFTD periodically translates Press Releases into easy to understand common English. (American English, of course. Take that all you Eurosnobs and raging Anglophiles.)
Turns out the NPPL put this presser out last Friday--to little or no fanfare. Of course the news about Vancouver was already out there but the prospect of a(nother) new TV show hasn't been picked up by other paintball media outlets or garnered much attention. Is the paintball community so jaded by past failures that it simply isn't registering or are peeps simply postponing judgment with a wait and see attitude?
And if you guessed this latest NPPL news was part and parcel of secrets Mr. Curious has been keeping lately you would be correct. The italicized paragraphs below are the original press release as posted on the NPPL's website and Facebook page. This post title links to the NPPL site.
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Vancouver Postponed / New NPPL Pro Player reality TV Show

The NPPL in conjunction with Dynasty has made the commitment to produce a reality Paintball TV Show based on a Dynasty/Impact World Tour. The League will be filming segments at each NPPL event this year and feature tournaments outside the United States. Impact have chosen to only to attend NPPL events in North America, as they will be traveling on a worldwide tour to capture paintball on film. The show will also focus on woods ball, recreational play and scenario games. The Show will Air sometime this summer dates and times to follow. The NPPL once again is paving the way to expose the sport of paintball worldwide.

The NPPL Board of Directors after speaking to players, teams and sponsors has decided to reschedule Vancouver. The main reasons for dropping Vancouver from the 2012 schedule is the economy is still tight and teams, sponsors have expressed they can only afford to go to 4 events this season. Furthermore, there were concerns about getting supplies and equipment across the boarder. We are looking at the possibility of hosting the event in 2013 which will allow the league, teams and sponsors more time to plan, promote and take care of logistics for running a successful tournament. The NPPL views Canada as a growing paintball tournament market and looks to promote more feeders and teams in Canada this year. The League hopes players; teams and sponsors will respect and support our decision to postpone Vancouver for one year.
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The new reality TV show, if that's what it turns out to be, is a NPPL project in name only and until recently was conceived to be something like Real Life San Diego featuring the Dynabrats is morphing into something else. After some productive back alley brawling Bart managed to wedge Impact into the picture. Rumor has it behind the scenes an effort is underway to split the Millennium season and CPL spot between Dynasty and Impact as well. In the meantime minus an actual format and a changing show conception and no word exactly where, how or with whom all this will be sorted out the NPPL would like to take credit in advance for any success it might have and should it fail like various past ventures the NPPL hopes you will appreciate their efforts to bring the good news of tournament paintball to the masses regardless.

The Board was shocked to discover the decision to put an event in Vancouver, even though taken without the slightest consideration of the facts or the hardships it placed on players and sponsors alike, was not universally hailed as the stroke of genius we thought it was. So never mind. Notwithstanding, the league views Canada as one place where we can still convince a few teams to play 7-man. And contrary to expectations the offering of the Race 2 format didn't result in all the PSP teams pulling up stakes and moving over to the player's league and with Huntington Beach registrations lagging--and this economy thing some people keep mentioning--we've decided 4 events is a safer bet. However, running a league means never having to say you screwed up so we're all going to pretend like we're just postponing the event by a year or so. (wink, wink) And in closing we hope you respect and support our latest display of incompetence because it seems to work for everybody else.

6 comments:

Scott said...

Bawahahaha...

Any chance you could also translate the twenty six page syllabus for my "Business Communication and Professional Development" class?

Nick Brockdorff said...

Next, you should do one with the PSP and MS press releases on the 2012 bunker upgrade kits/new snake bunkers.

... oh wait.... ;)

Anonymous said...

Is anyone really that interested in watching spoilt college-fund paintballers try to hit on dumb-ass Californian jail-bait? How about following these 25-30yr olds as they fight to preserve their kill/death ratio in Call of Duty?
I know I'm not interested in tuning in, not even if you throw a few well-natured Canadian wannabe's into the mix.

That said, I don't like any of the reality TV stuff..

Mark said...

Well said Anon.

I've often wondered why most pb videos nowadays are put to the raucously annoying dub-step crap, surely not because it's just the latest hip and edgy thing, but because it's infinately more pleasurable to hear than the average dialog between pb players could ever be.

Kind of ironic how it mimics, in a sort of a crack induced way, adults talking in The Peanuts' series.

Nick Brockdorff said...

I doubt if a paintball reality show is targeted at existing paintballers.... but I might ofcourse be wrong.

If I am correct, it should make more teenagers choose paintball, over other sports, which will be a win for the sport.... and then those of us already in the sport can frown all we like.

Don Saavedra said...

Interesting times...